pedanticpersiflage:

He was amazed once he finally
discovered the cure
to his crippling depression,
all those years of lying around in bed till afternoon
arguing with himself about whether to
get up
or just go back to sleep
because getting up was overrated
and he didn’t seem to feel
quite as hopeless and miserable
while unconscious,
well, except for the REM part of sleep,

but anyways,
he’d tried therapy
and just about every anti-depressant
you could think of,

and then one day
while holding a titty,
he realized how much better he felt,
and looking back over his life,
he could recall
all the moments of titty-holding
as some of the only moments
he had been fond of,

and so he became more regimented
in his titty-holding routine,
he even made up a saying,
an hour of titty-holding a day
keeps the head doctor away,

and his girlfriend, well,
she’s super understanding.